The Reluctant Woman or How to Thrive in a Type-A World

Let’s just come out with it all and put it on the table.  I am not a high energy person.  I never was, and never will be.  So I have to figure out where my energy is going-ALL the time.  This means I have to really focus when I want to accomplish something.  And when I do, sometimes it’s so razor-sharp that I feel I’m burning calories on the spot.  I feel my blood-sugar level drop in the course of a project, and I’m more likely to graze mindlessly while working.


It took me a good 30 years to figure out there is nothing wrong with this, and that I need to stop trying to change myself because my personality does not match that of others.  It also took an old very sarcastic friend, a husband who is a musician, and two little girls to get me grounded.


There are those of us with minds like steel traps.  We may not seem engaged while others are hyped up on the same deadline, but nevertheless we are studying the problem, and probably have run many circles around it by now.  We may not be peppy morning people, but we make resolute problem solvers and very loyal friends.




I have another caveat that often works against me, though when I use it properly it is a great strength.  I was raised in a first culture of extreme politeness.  When presented with a deadline, not only do I prefer to work alone, but I have trouble saying no when others ask for help.  I have worked through much of this, but I constantly have to make adjustments.


I always tell women to stop allowing their To-Do lists to dominate their lives.  This is because I live the extreme of that reality.  I constantly have to ask myself “Is this in keeping with my purpose or is this someone else’s priority?”  Personally I hate the idea of goal-setting because it stems from a Type-A culture and we just don’t question these notions.  We go to our jobs or we structure our lives according to other people’s ideas because they are the “movers & shakers”.  It makes sense to carve up life into measurable segments and hold them up like trophies once they become achievements.  Yet I have met so many unsatisfied, even depressed Over-Achievers along the way!


Les Brown said it well by pointing out “It’s not about the goals that you reach, it’s about what you become in the process”.  So how does the Reluctant Woman get anything done? This woman must create her own emotional and mental space apart from all her other responsibilities, and guard it fiercely.


Instead of harvesting goals, she harvests focus-time. This is a certain groove in her energy levels where even for a short time she can focus only on what is of specific value to her core.  For many women this can be late evening or early morning hours.  I found that the period of time after I wake up I resonate with a special kind of energy.  I produce vastly creative and intuitive ideas here, and the ever-present guilt and doubt I have during the day is not awake yet.  It is a safe place, and the answers I find during this time often are the simplest and easiest to execute.  When I execute them through out the day I trust that inner guidance completely.  I tell myself this solution came to me from a space free of fear so I will keep it this way, I will act on it in its natural unhindered state.  The leaps and bounds of personal growth that occur in this practice are beyond measure!


Something that with a conventional approach would take me months to complete may take me hours or days with this approach.  The reason I believe this happens is because when we act this way our motives are driven by deeper values rather than outside demands even if they are well meaning.  Outside demands come packaged with the expectations of others and all the associated guilt and working through those can be like trying to move through quicksand.


So if you also are as guarded as I am, if you are not the driven person you always thought you should be, figure out first what the natural rhythms of your energy are.


Namaste,
Adriana